Surviving the Shame - Breaking the Silence

Sometimes, the smallest scratch on the surface is enough to uncover a deep well of need. When Amelia Rising Sexual Assault Centre of Nipissing joined forces with the North Bay Crisis Centre to offer a support group for men who were survivors of sexual abuse, it was responding to a need that area counsellors and mental health practitioners knew existed. What they weren’t prepared for was just how widespread the need was, and the extent of the community’s response to the program.

“Over the years, we had received phone calls from family members and from men themselves who had been sexually abused, asking where they could get help,” says Nancy Chivers, a counsellor at Amelia Rising. “We documented the number of requests, but there was really no help available even from private counsellors unless you were able to pay.” That changed when a grant from the Ontario Trillium Foundation made it possible for Amelia Rising to provide resources and group counseling to male survivors within the Nipissing district.

Radio spots, newspaper publicity and a billboard in front of North Bay’s Canadian Tire store quickly got the word out. After receiving over 300 phone calls and conducting interviews with many male survivors, Amelia Rising and the Crisis Centre retained a male and female counseling team to begin developing a program. A total of about 60 participants were assigned to support groups of seven or eight members each, and 12 weeks of sessions were scheduled. The men taking part had to be at least 16 years old and ranged in ages from 18 to 75. Some even travelled as much as 50 kilometres each way to attend.

“The first session dealt with the myths about sexual abuse,” says Chivers. “Many had trouble accepting that men and boys could really be victims, and that men who abuse other men sexually have no connection to homosexuality.” Given the years of silence and the shame so many of the men had endured, the facilitators expected a slow start, but, “It was like opening a floodgate,” Chivers continued. “Once the men began to talk, they didn’t want to stop.” Over the 12 weeks of the program, not one participant missed a single session.

“The results of the evaluation we conducted at the end of the program were unanimously positive,” says Chivers. “Most wished that the sessions could have been longer, and everyone felt strongly that the program needed to continue.” Amelia Rising is now pursuing additional funding in order to train service providers across northern and rural Ontario to work with survivors of sexual abuse.

For most of the survivors in Nipissing, it was the first time the silence had been broken about what had happened to them. It was the first time the shame they felt was given a release. The support group was just a start. It was the caring, the understanding and the acceptance these men gave to each other that began to restore their faith and helped to pave the way for the real healing to begin.

www.ameliarisingsexualassaultcentre.com